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Moving On After A Breakup

April 29, 2014 by admin

A Column

By Maria Fernanda Lopez
   Knowing that he is not the love of your life, or simply the person who no longer wants to share his life with you is painful and depressing, but you have to get ahead, raise your head and continue your way. It is very difficult to forget a person with whom you shared a long and great time. However, it is not impossible. I am telling you this because I did move on from a 6-year relationship, and so far it worked perfect. 
     The step that follows a break-up is never easy. No matter how friendly or explosive, the break up will always hurt. All those memories are hard to forget, even if we try with all our might to get rid of them. To move on this stage we need to do a few things to get it. As difficult as it may seem, it is not fast but don’t forget to feel comfortable with the past in order to move forward and well in the present. There is some advice that you should follow if you want to move on and live a happy and single life.
Steps to move on:
     When someone breaks up with you it is like a death, so first you have to cry in order to express and release your feelings, otherwise you can get depressed or crazy. Get in your room, lock the door, hug a pillow and if you feel like crying just start to do it, otherwise make yourself cry. How?      
     You can start thinking in all those nice memories. You can look pictures, reread letters, hugging the teddy bear that he gave to you, if you have any articles of clothing wear them, listen to romantic music, sing the song that make you cry such as Avril Lavigne song “good bye” or Taylor Swift “ Back to December”.
     Furthermore, it is important to vent with someone, speak and express all your feelings. This will help you to make everything easier for you. Be aware that not all of your friends will give you the right advice, so pick a friend that will keep the conversation confidential. This friend will say something like: It is ok, do not worry, I am with you, you have to move on, this is not the end of the world. The person must be mature, because you don’t want to follow stupid advice such as call him and cry, cut you hair, or just posting angry statuses on Facebook or any mass media. Even though that is ridiculous, it happens.
     Once you get all your feelings out, you should first play a happy music like the song  “Happy” by Pharrell. The purpose of it is that you will feel motivated and you can now remove those things with enthusiasm.       
     Second, get rid of those things that he gave to you, pictures, videos, teddy bears, letters, clothing and put them in a box you can either put the box in a basement, attic, closet or in the garbage. If you don’t know what to do and want to follow my advice, I will say rather the garbage. You can do it alone or with a friend. You should do this because you will not have any reminders that will make you feel sad and remind you of him.
     Subsequently, you must start to work out. You can go to the gym, go for a run, ride your bike, dance in your room alone and look at you at the mirror, thinking that you are awesome, in that way you feel good about yourself and you will get more confidence. There is no such thing as ugly women; there are women that don’t make the effort to look pretty.  Get some make up, straighten your hair, and dress up, for whom? For yourself, you are gorgeous.  Focusing  on yourself, will attract people and build yourself up.
     On top of that, spend more time with your family; at the end no matter what, they are the only ones who will be there for you always. While you were in a relationship, you spent most of the time with that guy, so obviously you missed some important family events such as birthdays, dinners, movie nights, cuddle in your mom´s bed, or just bothering your siblings. This is important because you will realize that the family love is the real love and all those little things are all that matter. If you do that, you will feel the support of your family, and you will realize that you are not alone in this tough moment. During your life you will fall in love a lot of times and you will move on, a lot of times. But the love that your family gives to you is the most pure and sincere that is going to stay forever.
     In addition, visit new places. Try to do a getaway with your best friends, or alone it doesn’t matter. Meet  new people, taste new food and flavors. Open your mind to new cultures; try new clothes, learn a little bit of a new language. The world is a fantastic place with amazing people and all those amazing things are waiting for you. Hot guys?  Millions of them do not waste your time thinking of the wrong one.
     Even more, get yourself time. Do not jump in another relationship, that is one of the most common and immature mistakes that you can make. I am telling you this, because I did it, and it wasn’t fun at all. The consequences of it, is that now there are going to be more than two people involve in the drama. More than three broken hearts.
     After an emotional break up is not easy to recover. Set up goals, think about your future,  and keep going. You do what you can to shut that feeling of pain and abandonment, which is completely understandable. But you should not take that to the extreme. Remember that everything happens for a reason. Thinking about the present and just move forward. You are brave enough to get yourself together and move on. Nobody is more deserving of your love than yourself. “Being brave enough to be alone frees you up to invite people into your life because you want them and not because you need them.”-Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass. 
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