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When To Kick Him To The Curb

March 11, 2013 by admin

A Column

By Elicia Phillips

   Many of you reading this column may be honest enough to admit to yourselves that you have been in what I would call a dead-end relationship.
  In fact, some of you may still be suffering in a relationship that has no benefit for you but many for your partner. Therefore, I think it is important to be real with you and leave you a few tips on when you should kick your partner to the curb.
   Now some of you may say, what qualifies me to give you tips? I will say this to you, experience has been my teacher, and I have paid very high prices to learn a few lessons. In addition to that, I have learned to draw from others’ experiences. As a result, I am more than able to advise you on this matter. However, you are not obligated to take my advice; you decide for yourself.
The Lazy Bum:
     How many of you have a man who is living with you but doing nothing else but taking up space in your house like an unwanted crate of empty boxes. You discover to yourself that he does not really contribute in any way to chipping away at the “Things to do” list. You come home from a hard day of work and you are expected to prepare dinner, wash the dishes, and clean up after him, and in addition, prepare his clothes and still service him in the bedroom! 
  Ladies, this is not the traditional era where women were perceived to be servants of their husbands. If your man loves you, he would show it in ways you can appreciate, even if it means cleaning the house, ironing your clothes or cooking macaroni cheese with sausage for you. In some cases, he would even contribute to your bills, after all he is using the facilities to make himself comfortable.
  Call me strange, but as I told a young woman this week, I think it is strange for a man to come to a woman for money to borrow, especially on a regular basis. Unless you like being his Sugar Mama, I suggest you make a change. Now it is the norm for a man to look for a financially stable woman, so he can live off of her comfortably without doing much.
   Let us look at Miranda. Her man has been living with her for 6 months, she said only twice has he washed the dishes and made up the bed. He contributes no money toward bills, rent, or food. One piece of advice, if this is you, you deserve better! Ladies, kick his lazy butt to the curb!
Long Eyes:
  Now Ladies, respect is vital when you are looking for a man. So if you’ve got a man whose head swings 360 degrees to check the backside of another female that would have walked past both of you, something is terribly wrong with the level of respect that he has for you.
   How many of you have this problem? I find it strange that I would sit and have dinner with my man and when I decide to take a bathroom break this dude smiles at me in a suggestive manner while his woman is sitting at the table talking to him. My question to that young woman was, why tolerate it? Get that fool out of your life, girl; you do not need that drama in your life.
    Lorraine can tell you about what that sort of drama did to her. For years, her lover in her presence physically lusted over other women. “It made me feel so insignificant. He would look at these women and compare me to them! Every time I would confront him about his looking, all he would say is “Baby, men are visual creatures nothing is wrong with looking besides I love you.”
   While some of you may be comfortable with this, if you do not stand for something you will fall for anything.
Fitness Maniac:
   Tell me this is it not strange that after years of carrying a case that all of a sudden he is ready to upgrade to a six-pack! Now do not get me wrong it is admirable when an unfit person decides to make a change in their lifestyle after many years of careless living. However, be honest with yourselves, you are in a relationship with a man whom you have fallen in love with as he is and after a few years he just jumps up and takes a keen interest in how he looks, that is a bit fishy . You need to pay keen attention if this change is accompanied by new clothes, different colognes and maybe in some instances, longer and extra nights out with his boys. 
   Ladies you know your situation, all of your situations are unique. It is your job to study your relationship so that if your partner is going to cheat or already cheating you know what to do. In many cases, when men want to impress other women, they tend to take more pride in how their bodies look.
   What a drastic change it was for Angelica when she discovered that her boyfriend’s motivation for becoming physically ripped was an 18-year-old girl who was 20 years his junior. Fortunately, for her, she wasted no time before kicking his sorry butt to the curb!
Physical Abuse:
   All of you know at least one person who has suffered abuse within a relationship, sometimes it is verbal and other times it is physical. It does not take a genius to figure out what to do when a man decides to put his hands on you. However, some of you women speak of an undying love that you have for these men that no matter how much they hurt you, you seem to find a way of forgiving them and giving them a second chance.
   Please allow Nicole’s experience to minister to you: “I was with Keith for 12 years before I broke free from his hold. The worse experience that I have gone through was to have him beat the living day lights out of me in front of my kids, and then I would still have to turn tothem and convince them not to worry Mommy was OK. For me, it was strange because every time he beat on me, he would become so much nicer and cry asking for my forgiveness and because I loved the bastard so much. I always gave him that chance. One day I took a stance for myself, this was the day I realized I had to get away from this man or he was going to kill my kids and me. My younger daughter had told me that Keith interfered with her, so I approached him because I could not believe he would even attempt such thing. He and I argued and he threatened me with a knife. We fought, we fought, and we fought, so much that the neighbor heard and called the police. I received a few stab wounds from him, and I dished out a few blows to him. He was locked up and charged accordingly, and I stand here today strong and proud. 
   Ladies, I do not know what you were taught as a child but please hear my advice, if any of you is in an abusive situation, Get out! You may not have much time left and for those of you who have kids, remember what they see, they will emulate. Do not make them think it’s OK for someone to hurt you like that. Pray and please get out, if you really love yourself and your children then you will leave.”
   I know there are countless points that may guide you on when to kick him to the curb, but for the moment allow these four to guide you.
*The names used in this article are not the true names of the characters depicted.
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